I already blew it.
Earlier this week, I blogged about a challenge group I signed up for and started this week. I stated how the meal plan was the HARDEST part, but was confident I could pull it off.
Welp, I’ve already strayed from the meal plan, and I’ve missed two workouts – five days in. I realized it really bothered me once I had trouble sleeping the past two nights – I don’t like to fail. I mean, I don’t think anyone LOVES failing, but it particularly bothers me. I don’t know what it was about this particular instance or fitness program, but it was REALLY eating me (haha, no pun intended). I had still already lost four lbs this week (some weight that’s been fluctuating back and forth), so I attributed that to following about 70% of the meal plan and my other workouts I’m getting in.
I was just so excited about the potential of this program, and was really frustrated with myself for messing it up. Could I really not go less than a week without having these battles with food? I finally had to come to terms with myself this morning – when I came to terms that these thoughts were really absurd. I have come really far since I started this weight loss journey in February, but find myself being more frustrated with my losses (i.e. a cheat day, a missed workout) than celebrating my success. I need to focus more on the ups (not the downs) and the positives of each day.
I think that was ultimately my self sabotage when it came to this program – I was focusing so much on my mess-ups, as opposed to my victories. Why do we do this to ourselves? I’ve become a much faster runner from other hard work I’ve put in, changed my eating lifestyle (for the most part) and lost a decent amount of weight. Sure, my goal from this was to become stronger and more toned, but I wasn’t reverting back to that when I was failing or letting myself fail. The guilt was pretty intense. But, jesus, it’s been a week. After seeing how it’s taken three to four months to even see any real changes in other areas of my body – did I seriously think that two days of ‘off eating’ and 50 minutes missed was going to make that much of a difference.
I’m going to try this program and reset from the beginning one more time on Monday. Sometimes, these blogs just become an opportunity for me to be self-aware – to vent to you (the reader), and hear about your struggles too (so I know I’m not crazy).
All of this reverts me back to a book I recently read – with a tremendous title. The concept of the book is really prioritizing ( also known as ‘giving a shit’) about the things that REALLY matter – not 8 AM traffic and smudging your manicure. Like, your family, your health. And GENUINELY only exerting emotions and negative energies when those things are threatened, not your $37 spa pedi. I spent a bit of last night (in my insomniac-tic state) reviewing lines in this book that really resonate with that I’m experiencing right now – is my one failed attempt really going to have this much impact on my emotional stability this week? I decided – nope.
As I’ve said before, a huge part of this blog for me is a level of accountability, honesty and reminding you all that I’m not perfect. Far from it. I’m not an expert on food and fitness, I hate meal prepping and sometimes I get bored working out. It happens. And, it happens to EVERYONE. Sometimes, it takes multiple attempts to get where you want to be – and that’s perfectly fine.
So, I’m going to give it another go next week and not be so hard on myself – let’s see where this goes!
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